I constantly feel sad and empty most of the time. I was physically, emotionally verbally and psychologically abused as a child and witnessed violence towards my Mum and my younger brother. My younger sister and baby brother escaped with little physical or verbal abuse. I was also overweight as a child going on my first diet at 7 under my dr and then to weight watchers at 9 losing the 2 stone, but quickly put it back on as the emotional eating was not addressed and whilst dieting had ongoing bullying and teasing from my father who encouraged my siblings to join in. Whenever I asked for clothes he would say "Oh we will have to go to the tent shop to get anything to fit you!!!" I felt totally humiliated, embarrassed and lost as wherever I turned for help I was just laughed at. This continued at school, primary school and the second year in intermediate were the worst. I just felt bullied and then this continued into my working life where although I did my job well - I was a preschool teacher - I was continually harassed and bullied about my weight to which I rebelled by eating for comfort. I continually felt guilty if I even sat down as this was perceived as me being lazy even though I was taught that you should be at a child's level when talking or interacting with them. This just made things worse to the point of becoming suicidal as the local crisis team came and told me my past should stay in the past and went away laughing, to which I wrote suicidal notes and took an overdose, which I consequently came to be under the local mental health team.
I was already seeing a therapist from the compulsive gambling society due to my mums gambling problems and me trying to continually rescue her to my own detriment and loss of money, dignity and health insurance went off to live on my own. I was left with over $ 5000 in debts due to her and my brother not paying rent, phone or power. The psychologist I was appointed at my local mental health centre kept harassing me as to why I needed to still see this therapist (who was absolutely professional in all areas), told me I was a coward for being suicidal and acting upon it, and telling me I was stupid for being upset at having to put my 16yr old cat down. I ended up in hospital and wrote a letter of complaint as I had had a mediation where she only spoke to my advocate informing her that I was a typical "Borderline" to which was news to me, so while I was in hospital I wrote a complaint to her manager to which she denied everything and I have been treated adversely ever since due to this. This happened in 2000/2001. I am now too scared to even ask for help anymore due to asking for help recently and the crisis team member just argued with me and told me I always complained, had heaps of input and that heaps of other people with physical injuries cope. This is untrue as I had a wonderful relationship with my previous keyworker and psychiatrist. The keyworker changed her role in 07 but the psychiatrist has been rude to me ever since. My first therapist didn't agree with the diagnosis as did the nurses at the hospital I ended up in 2000.
At the moment I am feeling alone desperate and am not going to ask for help from my local mental health team due to the way they have treated me, and although I have now been given a crisis management plan - which my mum says is full of trash and doesn't make sense, and a key worker who is suppose to give me weekly ph calls only on a Wednesday(so I'm not allowed to contact them in between times) but she can change days in which she rings me - in which the ph calls last less than 2mins & not once has she asked me about my physical injuries, the first which was caused by a drs negligence. I don't have any hope anymore, every time I ring my family, they just ignore me and don't care, much like when I was a kid, I am having flashbacks, nervousness every time the phone rings or someone knocks at the door and when Wednesday nears I start to feel shaky, weak and nervous. I don't even feel like getting up or doing much anymore and am slowly losing interest in almost everything, even facebook which was my lifeline and use to spend hours on. I keep trying to do things to improve my life, but get so many setbacks, I was halfway through a degree but due to having ongoing ulcers had to pull out of because I had used up my 6yr limit. I also question the label of borderline as my first therapist didn't agree with this diagnosis as did the nurses in the acute inpatient hospital I was in and my current psychologist has said that I don't give typical borderline answers, I am so by myself have told me I only have 8 weeks of sessions left, as they know I have made a good bond with this person and haven't even made headways into my issues around bullying which prevent me from seeking a job as everytime I get to the interview stage I become nervous, feel unworthy, guilty get flashbacks and then pull out. I don't see any point to life anymore.....I'm just hop
Best answer:
It is all in your head.
and that colon crap is bull sh!t.
What do you think? Answer below!
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Make a stronger impact of your product through promotional key rings of various designs
Article by Abraham Sherman
Choose to have two in one utility key rings that have bottle openers attached to it. This will not only make an impactful promotion but also be helpful to user in the long run.
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Orignal From: Why do I feel so empty, sad, guilty. confused and suicidal most of the time?
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